THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE GBE #8 The best day of my life was the day I gave birth to my first child. She was a difficult pregnancy, but an amazingly easy birth. ONE pain and there she was. Oh wait, the best day in my life was when I gave life to my second child, my son. The first (and only, it turns out) boy in my side of the family. Lots of boys on Dad’s side. Or maybe it was when I met and very shortly after fell in love with Mike. My soul mate, 11 years my senior and nothing like any man I had been with before. He was, however, very much like my Dad. Dad passed at age 56 and I met Mike a few years later. I always wished they had known each other and now, well, I suspect they do. Heaven, I’m sure, is the great reunion spot. Ya know, it was the best day in my life when we married. I inherited his kids. That was pretty cool. Definitely the best day. Then again, the best day in my life happened when our first grandchild was born, and again when the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and the eighth came along! OH and my daughter inherited 2 girls with her second marriage, our first granddaughter and bonus granddaughter have given us 3 great granddaughters, best days in my life. It was most assuredly the best day in my life when we finely got Momma moved to her new apartment 2 miles from our house. That was a dream, long time dreamed, come true. I think, and certainly at that time, each new fur baby adoption or actual birth, created the best day of my life. Now in retirement and alone, they are my life. One needing lots of special care and one just here to love me. Pup is elderly and needy, but doesn’t like me because I do all the needy stuff, sigh. Cat loves me and makes me laugh. Cat also checks on pup from time to time, I’m convinced he’s looking for his heartbeat. Who knows? I realize right now, right here…I have had far more BEST days than WORSE days and that this not-so-perfect life I’m living now, is still likely to hold at least ONE more BEST day before my time is up. Hope you're having a BEST day, right now.

GBE#5 Beauty is so BIG! Yes, I admire many things because they are pleasing to my eye. Or pleasing to my heart. Or pleasing to my ear. But to my MIND, BEAUTY is much deeper. It is the soul of any living thing that is not just existing, but living to spread joy. Living to find and share love. Living to make someone or something else in our shared world better.   Beauty of the soul is just there. I don't think we necessarily develop it or learn it. I think we CAN, but mostly I think it is inherent. It is built into the actual cells of our being. Goodness brings beauty every time. Kindness is the key to beauty.   One may be physically drop over, drop your pants, perfectly gorgeous and still not be a beauty. If the essence of their soul is centered on themselves or their own beauty or feelings of self-importance, beauty cannot thrive. It cannot grow. It cannot exist.   Some incredibly kind, generous, giving people are also blessed with amazingly good physical features that make them what we refer to as "beautiful on the inside as well as the outside" and I know a lot of those as do you most likely.   But I know far more normal, average looking folks who are so kind, loving, selfless and good natured that most everyone considers them the most beautiful people they know. I concur.   Have your say about beauty and I’ll enjoy reading it, but believe me, I'll never see BEAUTY as an outward attribute when standing alone.    

GBE#4 WHAT PROMPTED ME TO JOIN THIS GROUP ************************************************************************************************************** I didn't hesitate to sign up the minute I saw the offer. The Admins are experienced and I felt right at home from the get go! I've missed the blogging world. I have continued to write, but posted very few here on my blog page because I was writing most of it for my own brain dump. I shared a few articles on my page, but very few. I am really comfortable here. Really love that both members and non can click on and read my thoughts. I love having a prompt and then seeing how many different takes there will be on each one. I feel today like I have stepped back a bit into a life I loved. The blogging world gave me an anchor. I learned from reading and from others offering honest critisisms on my style, my wording...whatever. We can learn so much by reading each others work and the comments on our own work. Not to mention those who care enough to send ims with their critiques. So, I'm here because I feel like I belong here and that isn't true of many places in my life now. I still feel like a writer. I still feel it cleans my brain of rants and raves and even happy thoughts that just linger and clog my creativity. Writing releases my mind to be open and involved again. Thank you for giving us this platform again.

GBE #3. letter to 13 year old Jo Dear Jo, 1963 edition: I want you to remember just a few things as you move forward to highschool. 1) you really are enough, just as you are. 2) life will never be fair, but you must be. 3) tough times create tough girls. 4) live all your moments, good and bad in faith. That is it. If you live in those guidelines, you will be all you were made to be and no one can be more than that.b>

TIME

GBE#2 TIME. My one commodity of which i have plenty is, time. I am not a busy person nor to I want to be. when I have a project to do, I like having my own time line, an hour here and there or maybe a day or two of buckling down and gettin' 'er done. Either way, it's entirely up to me. Retirement took me awhile to get used to. I had always been a person who just had ti fill every weekend with chores that I didn't have time for during the work week. I'm not her anymore. I enjoy doing what I'm capable of doing to keep the homestead in good repair and clean. I very much enjoy doing so at my leisure because I live in Florida, east coast, and it's very hot here from April through November usually. so working slowly and taking a lot of breaks is necessary and makes the chore go better. Having explained allof that...I also love lounging. I'm a crossword, find a word, make a word, puzzle building computer girl. Computer games can fill my whole day and I'm good with that, sometimes. I also enjoy Bingo, cards with my tribe and an occassional dinner out with the ladies ofour community and friends. Time, I have plenty and it is one of the things I am most grateful to have, I don't have to work,not yet anyway. It could happen if prices donkt soon begin to level out.

Alone and lost in my loss

I lost my husband of 40 years in May of 2022. After 8 weeks of hospitalization and an emotional roller coaster of good news, not much improvement, looking good again...his kidneys finally just stopped and he began the process of leaving us with relief and peace. I could see that in his face. Felt it in the firmness with which he held my hand. When he could speak, he was loving and asking me to please let him go. I promised to do so when he was called home. Told him we would all be ok and would look after each other. Told him he could go in peace, because his work here was done. Told him I would miss him until we joined hands again. Hoping beyond measure that it would be sooner rather than later. I meant every word. I believed we would be okay, the kids, the grands and myself. None of us will ever really be okay again. His loss was much bigger than I allowed myself to believe. Bigger than any of us realized until it was real. The result of all of this is that I now want to pull back from everyone I love because I don't want to cause anyone else this kind of empty existence. This kind of pain. No purpose because my purpose is gone. No future because there is nothing left that I can do. The things I'd like to do, I can't possibly afford. The things I could do, I have no interest in really. So I fill my time by doing the household chores that we used to share, inside and out. I have to pay someone to do the things I'm not physically capable of doing. I spend a few hours three times a week with my Gal pals, my tribe, playing cards and bingo. I have a cat and a dog that take up a good deal of time. The cat, good and fun time and he is my joy. The dog, senior with multiple special needs and I am not one of his needs. He hates human touch unless he is in a strange place, not our home, then he loves me to hold him and stroke him. Otherwise, he uses all his strenth to push and pull and try to escape my hold on him. I'm always afraid I'll lose my grip and he will fall to his death. Seriously, I am very aware of this possibility because he wiggles and contorts and if he did fall, it would likely cause him to break his neck. He is only 6# of Chihauhua, but he's as strong as any labrador when he needs to escape. So far, 3 years of this,we are both still ok. I love the little mess, but he prefers being alone. This is far from the life I ever wanted or imagined. I hope every day that I dont have to be here many more. I'm ready to go Home and be with my love, my family and friends that have gone before. Life here is now far too empty for me. I know my departure date is set, I'm just hoping it isn't a long way down the road. I am a strong believer and therefore, feel I must have some pupose here that I have not fulfilled. I pray to see that purpose sooner than later so that I may get busy completing my assignment.

GRIEF at 5 months

Today is the five month mark since my husband of 40 years passed and I have been left to learn. Learn what, you might ask. Who I am, now. What I am here to finish. Why I am so lost. Where I should be heading and choices to be made. I'm quite unsure who I am. I am a mother, but my children are grown and living hours away so not much mothering is needed or apparently wanted. However, I can and I am mothering my furbabies. So I've learned I can still do that, although alone is different, its doable. ✔ I believe we stay in this life until we finish our tasks. What mine might be is somewhat of a mystery to me, but I am willing to keep looking for things. It might be a thing or a long list or anything in between. I suppose I will be directed in any case. So I pray I will heed the call.✔️ The feeling of being lost is not new to me, but it is different this time. I was very lost for a short time after we lost Momma. I don't know where or how to find myself. I don't know where to begin. I am comfortable in this home. I am happy in my close friends and aquaintances here in Holiday Village. I belong here, I know. It's more a matter of where in this spot do I fit? I did invite a small group to dinner one time and it was a lot of laughs and a great meal. Yet no one has extended another invitation. I am really not sure at all what i can do to fix this except be patient and keep attending group events, which I have been doing. Time, I suppose.✔ Now where my life goes from here is my biggest question. Some days I just want to be home with the furkids and not even think about anything or anyone else. Then I feel very content, however, I dont want that to be my life. Thats why I attend any group gathering that I can and I enjoy doing that, but always wonder if I fit there anymore. Always. ✔ Last on my list is that my friend, adopted sister, is in another state and ill. She is with her kids and their kids and their kids and her husband is there now, too. I can't go for two reasons. My furkids need to be cared for and that isn't cheap and I am going to spend Thanksgiving with my kids and their kids and I will be paying for furbaby care for that trip. So financially speaking, I can only do one trip and it has to be my kids. We will keep in touch by phone and she knows I love her and am with her in spirit and heart.✔ All in all, I am doing okay, day to day. I get through each day with a fair share of laughter and still tears, at some point. Tears for missing my partner and hugger. Every day I have to say "my" something instead of "our" something. Small thing, I suppose, but still painful. "My" was never in the plans.✔ Pictures...something I am so thankful to have.✔